maria mena

she is all kinds of awesome. i fell in love with her music one day, watching a music programme, where she played "just a little bit" - just her and her guitar. she has been struggling with an ED for a long time, and i feel like i can relate to her lyrics on so many levels.
and it's easy listening, but good! definitely a good choice for chillout days and biking around the city. i listen to it when i feel really depressed or eating disordered, and it makes me feel like i can get myself out of the big black hole.

i want to share a song, it's called "this bottle of wine"



and this one's called "our battles"




so.. can you guess i've had a hard weekend? yesterday was fucked up, i went into this horrible argument with my boyfriend, treated him like shit, yelled at him, cried, did a bunch of laxatives, cried some more while starring at the bottle, scratched my underarm with my nails to get the pain to dissapear. i told him i didn't want to be with him anymore, that i didn't love him, that i wanted out and to get away. i knew it wasn't true, i just couldn't stop myself. i felt like i just had to get away from him, to make his life better. i made him cry. i made him cry and i felt so bad, and told him that it wasn't true, that i love him, that i want to be with him, but i just don't know how, that i know i'm hurting him by hurting myself, that i am a bad person to be with. he told me that he loves me and wants to be with me no matter what. that we're buying an apartment together cause we are gonna be together forever.
i feel like the worst person in the world, the worst girlfriend in the world, but it's gonna be okay. i need to stop getting mad at him, when i can't keep my feelings inside anymore. i need to start acting on my feeling when i feel them, not hide them away and ignore them.
i have a feeling that this is gonna be a though year. but at least we've got each other. even when he's gonna be away for 6 months, he's still gonna be only few hours away, and we will see each other every weekend. it's gonna be hard as hell, and i am gonna feel alone and not be able to control my eating, but somehow i think it's better to get to try, and not be 100% addicted to him. i mean, i can always call him and ask him to come home. right? they can't force you to stay there, right? i am so scared.

in search of the perfect kitchen

this is hard. really really hard. what do we want? do we even want the same? what shape should it be? colors? materials?
in the search of the perfect kitchen, i've found some blogs and books that are definitely worth looking at, if you're designing a kitchen for your place.

the kitchen designer
design hole online
dwell's kitchen blog
kitchen design notes
pardon our dust

i hope you feel as inspired as me! and i'll let you know when we settle on a design, of course!

carrie´s apartment

so, we've been moving around quite a bit - and since i love decorating new places, i usually have a lot of fun. the internet is a great source, so is interior design magazines and my terence conran books.
i am a big fan of sites like design*sponge & apartment therapy.
but somehow i always end up on the tour of carrie's apartment. i don't know what it is exactly - i'm not a big fan of dark wooden furniture or long curtains or carpets. but i just really like the perfect balance of masculinity and femininity, the way the apartment looks "lived in". i am european by all means when it comes to interior design, but still.. there's something magical about carrie's place.
i don't know exactly what the magic is, but i'm trying to figure out, so i can bring a little of it to our new apartment. it is now we have all of the possibilities, since we're building the inside from scratch - the waterpipes, the electricity, the floors, the walls, the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, livingroom - so this time we're gonna go all of the way, and make it OUR place - cause it's gonna be exactly that. there is definitely something calming about not having to worry about having to move again for a lot of years - we can live there forever if we want.
so right now our current place is filled with interior design magazines, kitchen catalogs, books, pictures, drawings - and even though it can be stressfull, it's a hell of a lot of fun!

Banana-Ginger Bread Muffins

this recipe is delicious. it's my version of this recipe by Isa Chandra Moskowitz.
i've halved the recipe, changed some of the ingredients, but stayed true to the most important things, to make sure I keep the delicious texture.

1/2 cups white sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
1 1/2 overripe banana
1 cup flour
1/3 tsp baking soda
2-3 tbs soymilk
a splash of apple cider vinegar (about a teaspoon)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon gingerpowder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/2 teaspoon salt

preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

mix flour, baking soda and spices in a medium bowl.
in a big bowl, mash the bananas. add oil, sugar, soymilk and vinegar.
sift the flourmixture into the wet stuff, and mix it until it looks pretty well mixed. it will have lumps of banana, but don't worry, it's delicious!
if you want to add in some nuts or dried fruits or chocolate, this is the time to do it.
you can change the spices, for other delicious banana breads.

spoon the dough into muffin liners, fill it about 2/3.
bake for 20-25 mins. when done, take out and let cool.

if you want them to be extra yummy and sweet, give then some chocolate ganache or some ginger glaze, for that delicious sugar high.

let me know what you think about it!

we just bought a condo!

woohoo! it's amazing. the place is pretty small and trashy, so every waken moment in the next three months will be dedicated to making this place cool.
you guys know what this means? -NEW KITCHEN. new kitchen. new kitchen! we've been out looking at kitchens, comparing prices, designs, measuring, calculating, designing, and we're going out again tomorrow. it's pretty hard, bit really exciting.
so basically what we're doing with the place;
ripping off old floors. putting all sorts of installations in the floor. ripping out the old toilet. putting on new wooden floors. building new bathroom, with plenty of room and great looking tiles. building new kitchen. building new bedroom. making the floors in the livingroom look nice. paint paint paint.

this is gonna be awesome. i promise to post pics as soon as we get the key. the last paperwork is being done now, so it will be any day now.


on a whole other note; the boy is going away for six months. to live on a whole other island. six months. away. he's gonna be a fireman and oil cleaner as his military service (at least you get the option of doing something pacifistic).
did i mention; SIX MONTHS!? i hate it, but we just gotta make it work. at least i have a new apartment that will need to be lived in, so i am probably gonna have lots of dinner parties, lots of sleep overs, lots of friends just coming to hang out in my cool new kitchen. but day-um i am gonna miss his cute smile! he's hopefully gonna come home almost every weekend, but there will be some hard days for sure. we've been living together for almost three years. he's leaving in the start of august. at least i will have a lot more time to blog, post food porn, make delicious food and post recipes.

i better get going now, my friend is hanging out on the couch, reading, and i really shoud be a better friend. hopefully i'll get more into this blogging thing soon.

reason no. 12893054 that i love my boyfriend

when i woke up, i was alone. i thought it was kind of wierd, since it's sunday and all, but since we live kind of in the middle of everything, it wasn't all that strange.
i just sat around in a tanktop and my undies, and ate some soy yoghurt with banana pieces in it and enjoyed life, when the doorbell rang. i foolishly assumed that it was my boyfriend returning, but no, it was some young dude collecting money for some sort of charity. i just got so baffled that i hadn't checked before i opened the door, that i just looked a bit wierd, and gave him some cash.
poor guy. early sunday, me looking like crap in almost no clothes, and just starring at him like he was a ghost. haha.

later on my boyfriend returned from his trip, and i was totally happy to see him.
i got even more happy when he said "i've got something for you!" and gave me this:



how awesome is this? and two weeks before my birthday. i'm gonna spend a lot of time on making the perfect cake in it, so i can make castle cake for my birthday.

i also got some delicious fresh raw almonds, from the boy's parents:



the boyfriend is having company over for a movie, and i'm cooking, cause that's definitely my favourite way of spending sundays.


i haven't smoked in two days (yesterday i was so hungover that i couldn't get out of bed, today i just decided that i need to not smoke, if it's possible). the Kate Nash concert was pretty awesome, and afterwards we went to this electronica/house/whatever place called basement, and it was pretty cool. i just remember a basement with a lot of smoke and dancing. god i was drunk.

Fuck For Forest

just to clarify; i am against the porn industry, as it works now. i have nothing against porn movies, i have something against the sexualisation of women, the degration of sexuality as something you can buy if you have enough money, the standards of how the women in these films have to look. you know what? most of us aren't blondes, with huge tits, flatbellys and tight skin everywhere. and most of us actually like to have some kind of control over how to have sex. you know, we have our favourite positions aswell. we also don't get turned on by people calling us bitch, and we don't feel like repeating how big your cock is ten times. some people ARE blonde, skinny, like to be controlled, and like to be called bitch, but my bet is that it's one in a thousand or so.
to me, the porn industry stands for something that is traded for money. and with that exchange, something happens; the people with the money is the people in control. when you're broke, hungry, can't get a job, then it's the easy way out. except, for a lot of people it's really not.
i have full respect for anyone who is doing porn and likes it, but i really don't think that it in any way cancels out how many people get wierd about their own sexuality after being in the porn industry. this is something that makes me angry at the porn industry; i want all of the people involved to be happy! but when it's about cool cash, something happens to people, they get selfish and stop caring.
that is not okay.
ok, i could rant about this forever and ever, and if you're interested in reading more on the subject, i suggest you use google or another search engine. tons of stuff has been written about this, some of it is bullshit, a lot of it is really cool and intelligent.

but back to the subject; i just discovered this awesome project. it's called Fuck For Forest. it's a non profit website, based on activism. it's cool, cause the website has two main issues they adress; sexuality and environmental concerns. it's; take back your sexuality and save the earth. i like that.
if you want to read more about the project, go to what the flower is Fuck For Forest?

now that's what i'm talking about! people having sex, cause they enjoy it, and then videotape it. i don't mind that at all. i don't care what other people do, as long as they are okay with it themselves, and harm no one. i think sex is an awesome thing, i just get so mad when i see an industry exploring people's sexuality, and make it something bad. sex is not bad, it's good! but for sex to be good, it has to be for your own pleasure, and it's usually not the case, when money is involved.

so anyone up for it; go support this website if you're into making porn, or watching porn, and boycut the mainstream porn industry.
let everyone know that you don't think it's cool, when people get explored because of their social or economical situations, gender, color, race, nationality, personality or whatever.
let everyone know why the porn industry sucks.
free your sexuality, and give other people the possibility to free theirs.
and save the forests!